The Evolutionary Empath Blog
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So You're an Empath...Now What?
August 16, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
“I am an empath. But for the first thirty years of my life, I didn’t know it, and I certainly didn’t know how to cope in the world as an empath.
At my lowest points I was in total despair, with no clue of who I was, what value I had to offer the world, or how to improve my circumstances. I endured over three decades thinking that everything I felt was mine. I withstood being labeled emotional, fragile, unstable, or too sensitive. I was internally tormented, wondering why everything affected me so strongly. I thought I was too weak or unfit to handle the “real world.”
When I wasn’t conscious of the fact I was an empath, I simply believed what everyone told me. That’s Stephanie. She’s just emotional. Or dramatic. Or moody. Or weird. Once I became aware of the concept of being an empath, it helped . . . a little. But at the same time it opened up an entirely new world with which I was completely unfamiliar. Yes, there was a name for “this thing I was,” but now what? I still had to figure out the daily task of living life.”
These words open the introduction to my upcoming book, The Evolutionary Empath. Through my spiritual awakening (read: bumping around in the dark, sucking my thumb in the corner, and cussing at God), I have gained some hard-won wisdom and perspective on living life as an empath. After emerging (scathed, definitely scathed) from the spiritual crucible, I realized it was my passion to...
Empath Does Not Equal Doormat
August 28, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
As empaths, it is easy for us to merge with other people and take on their emotions, problems, expectations and issues. Often to the point that we think the emotion, problem or issue is our own! One of our greatest gifts is our ability to feel what others are feeling, understand their circumstances deeply, and see things from their perspective. More than just sympathy, more than just empathy, we can pluck ourselves out of our own body, plop ourselves in the middle of someone else’s existence, and know what it is like to be them. Compassion is our superpower.
But when we are operating as an “unconscious empath” (one who doesn’t know they’re an empath yet), our superpower can seem more like our kryptonite. For many of us, this quality means we lived (or might still be living) highly codependent lives with nary a healthy boundary in sight. Without understand where we end and the next person begins...
The Energetic Impact of Setting Boundaries, Part 1
September 6, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
Boundary-setting is a critical human skill…one that far too few of us learned to do well early on. Being an empath, I frankly sucked at establishing and enforcing good boundaries for the first 30+ years of my life. ”Sure, come on into my sovereign space. I don’t even know where my edges are and I’m happy to suppress my true self in favor of who you think I should be” was pretty much the message I unwittingly transmitted for three decades.
Through an excruciating amount of deep inner work, I reclaimed my sovereignty and figured out where my edges are. I learned to say no and ask for what I need – both essential skills in maintaining healthy boundaries. And I started unraveling the mystery of what actually happens at an energetic level when we establish a boundary to help me navigate the process with more grace.
So what does happen at an energetic level when you draw boundaries? Let’s first start with a few concrete illustrations of boundary-drawing to set the stage.
For example, a simple boundary could be...
The Energetic Impact of Setting Boundaries, Part 2
September 12, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
In part one of this two-part series, I explained what happens at a subtle energetic level when we draw boundaries (such as saying no or asking for what we need.) The crucial corollary to drawing boundaries is your preparation for the other person’s response, which includes the development of consequences.
Here’s the rub when it comes to drawing boundaries: it is your responsibility to ask for what you need and it is nobody’s responsibility to comply.
Sucks, I know. But in exercising our free will as humans, just because you set a boundary it doesn’t mean the other person has to agree! It is a hard truth and one I recommend you to accept as soon as possible. Otherwise, you might as well forget about consistent boundary drawing and enforcing.
As I shared previously, it is human nature to put each other in boxes, because it is instinctive to try and...
Who Is In Your Energy Field?
September 19, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
(Originally published in Evolving Magazine October 2019)
As empaths (sensitive beings), we naturally have very open energy fields, big hearts, and a desire to serve others. This makes us exceptional therapists, healers, energy workers, coaches, healthcare professionals, and similar careers of service.
Unfortunately, when we aren’t conscious of our energy field, we often have loose, sloppy, or non-existent boundaries. This means the edges of our energetic container are not well-defined, if at all (think Swiss cheese). One consequence of this is that we tend to let everybody into our energetic (and even physical) space, indiscriminately...
Who Were You as a Child?
September 26, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
Do you know who you “really” are? Have you struggled with your sense of self, experienced an identity crisis, or maybe still feel like you’re figuring it out?
It is common in the archetypal hero’s or heroine’s journey of our life that we lose, question or hide our real self. But for empaths (highly sensitive people), it is practically a given. One of our main traits as empaths is that it is easy for us to merge with other people and absorb their emotions, problems, values, habits, beliefs and more. And because it is so natural for us to live in everyone else’s shoes, we don’t even know we’re doing it. This causes us to believe...
As Within, So Without: Adjusting Our Outer World to Harmonize With Our Inner Frequency
October 2, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
(Originally published on The Heart of the Healer website September 2018)
After completing and submitting my book manuscript, I reorganized my entire office, which bled out into the hallway, stair well and temple space. Art on the walls had to be rearranged. Colors had to be altered. Coziness had to be amped up. Ceremony had to be performed. The flow of energy had to be rerouted.
Ever wonder why, when you go through a massive transition or intense shift, you almost always make some kind of change in your outer world? You rearrange furniture, release relationships, plant a garden, sort and reorganize, paint the house, hold a garage sale, or in some way shift what is in your environment. There's a reason for this...
Lower Your Energetic Center of Gravity
October 9, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
In our chronically overstimulating and fast-paced world, it is challenging to stay grounded, fully present, and calm. The pace of life has us continually operating in the red zone, with our internal engine persistently running at high RPMs, thus overloading our nervous system and depleting our adrenals. In turn, our natural biorhythms get out of sync. We override our body’s instincts telling us to pause or rest. We feel out of sorts, ungrounded, irritable, exhausted.
Energetically, when we are stressed, overwhelmed, spinning, or anxious, our life force moves...
From Submerged to Emerged: A Past Life, Godzilla’s Hand, and a Soul Calling
October 17, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
I’ve known for a long time that I would be stepping out onto a bigger stage. My first book, The Evolutionary Empath, hits shelves in just a few short weeks (at the time of this writing) and my dreams are rapidly becoming reality. As I’ve engaged intensely in my marketing and promotion activities, I’ve had to face multiple demons around being seen, deservedness, and losing myself in the overwhelm. Oh, let me just say it a little more bluntly…shit is getting real, really fast!
For anyone who has been on the precipice of fame, asked to fill big shoes, or called forward by their soul in a major way, you know what I’m talking about. It creates a period of intense accelerated growth. Simultaneously you are swirling in exhilaration and terror, vacillating between...
Reclaiming the Lost Feminine Archetype
October 23, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
(Originally published in Evolving Magazine January 2018)
Conscious evolution is an act of revolution. In the process of evolving, we are faced with the choice to go with the herd or forge our own path. Going against the herd is treacherous, often accompanied by rebuffing, if not abject persecution. In choosing to honor our own truth and to refuse the notion that we should "do a thing just because that's the way we've always done that thing" takes courage, vision, conviction, daring, and faith. People have died forging new paradigms.
At some point in the spiritual maturation process, we...
Excerpt #1 from The Evolutionary Empath: Being an Empath is a Real Thing
November 1, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
Being an empath is not a psychological or emotional state a person accesses inside themselves when someone in their world is going through a difficult time. Every human has the ability to feel empathy, but that’s not the same as being an empath. When we identify with and feel compassion for a person or situation that we see on TV, read about, observe in-person, or hear about from a friend, we are experiencing empathy for that person. We can insert ourselves inside their circumstances, imagine what it would be like for us, and then, from that bridge, establish an emotional connection with that person. We develop a sympathetic response, a concern for what they are going through. A common bond, however temporary, is created as we...
Excerpt #2 from The Evolutionary Empath: A Double Dose of Defectiveness?
November 2, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
When I was a young girl—maybe eight or nine—I was home alone for a short spell and for reasons I did not understand at the time, grabbed a knife and started running through the house screaming in a frenzied rage. At some point I put the knife down and started digging my fingernails into my palms, whimpering, as uncontrollable emotions overtook me. I was staring out the window and shifting my weight back and forth like Raymond in the movie Rain Man....
Excerpt #3 from The Evolutionary Empath: From External Validation to Internal Validation
November 3, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
Because we are pioneers of the new human blueprint, the existing ways of coping, living, and thriving don’t work for us. How could they? We are coded differently. It’s like trying to plug a three-prong plug into an old two-prong outlet. In the end, we are forced to throw out the old formula for “living a successful, productive, and fulfilling life” and design a new one that fits our speed and values. Which is no small order, I know! Many of us have a similar life lesson of...
Fly, Sweetheart, Fly: A Portal, an Owl, and the Birth of a Book
November 7, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
When I began writing The Evolutionary Empath three years ago, I had the most unbelievable experience with an owl on the very first day I put pen to paper. It was a mild and sunny October 17, 2016.
I had been out and hurried home to eat dinner on the deck so I could catch the remaining warmth of the day before the sun set completely. It was dusk so I turned on the outside light and sat down to eat with two of my cats.
No sooner than I put a bite in my mouth, a huge Barred Owl swooped out of nowhere and landed on the bird feeder hook at the corner of the deck...
Death and Rebirth - Just Another Day in the Shamanic Life
November 22, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
(Originally published on The Heart of the Healer website June 2018)
There are numerous “themes” a shamanic adept encounters in embracing the shamanic lifestyle. One of the most intense and challenging is the death and rebirth mysteries, sometimes referred to in shamanic traditions as “dismemberment” (yeesh!). Since first being introduced to this concept in 2005, I have consciously walked through these cycles of initiation many times, to varying degrees of length and magnitude.
I find it humorous (after the fact, of course) that no matter how many times I enter into a death cycle, I resist. Though the period of resistance seems to shorten each time, I still find myself negotiating with Spirit: “OK, so I did some journaling, made an offering to my alter, and performed a releasing ceremony…are we good? Are we done now? Is that enough?” Ugh. As you might have guessed, surrendering is difficult for me....
Wall Does Not Equal Boundary (Part 1 of 2)
December 5, 2019 | By Stephanie Red Feather
In 15 years of helping people learn about their energy body, their boundaries (or lack thereof), and the underlying energetic patterns playing out in their relationship with others, I have witnessed a common coping pattern (which I used to employ, too)…walls masquerading as boundaries.
They are most definitely NOT the same thing.
The biggest distinction is that walls are formed unconsciously. Boundaries are formed consciously.
Awareness of what we are doing is the single greatest factor that determines how effectively we will apply our boundary.
Let’s look at how these walls get created in the first place.